I call him Cole you may know him as Seez Mic

CruelFuelCover

And I won’t tell you his real name but I met him in summer of 2010 when Educator Consumers were out on tour with Mikey. It was not at a show as you would think. Although I did see a show or two. But Mikey had stopped his tour to do a favor for a friend. Host a benefit for the friends sister who had passed away. I remember standing out side talking with Cole about all the people here, how they knew each other. How Mikey would host this day and then get right back on tour. Well Cole has ventured out he has a new cd, a little mini tour that Michelle from Crushkill Recordings has put together, and he’ll be staying at the house and helping me out a bit. I hope you check out his shows, cd, and watch for more to come. Thanks Cole, Michelle, and Brady you do more than you know. Love Kathy

P/S you can buy it here under store.

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom | Leave a comment

Walking

12460_1217218242896_933267_nI try to walk my neighborhood a couple times a day, these days. It helps to work on motivating me a little. I walk barefoot to connect with the ground, grass and pavement a like. Today as I was out I was thinking about words, life, and how things are. I have gotten asked many times if I have regrets, guilt, sorries, would you do things different, and I usually answer yes and no.

The yes is of course we all would like to do something different, say something we didn’t, take back something we said or did.  The no is if things were done differently then we wouldn’t become or do the things we did. If I had done something differently Mikey wouldn’t of been who he was. Now some may think Mikey was born to be who he was no matter what part the rest of us played. That two is yes and no.

Yes, I believe each of us is born to a purpose or reason and that never really changes. As I said once before when Mikey was just a toddler we were at a book store and my mom and I found a book that told about people’s births. In this book the two things that stood out then and still now were he was going to be a vegetarian and that he would pass before 32. So when I read the vegetarian part out loud my mom and I both laughed because this little kid ate about every three hours and liked meat. Then when I came on the death I slammed the book shut and said that’s enough of that I don’t want to know any more. My mom picked it up and read some but I walked away so she couldn’t tell me. We talked about it here and there over the years and then Mikey became vegetarian and I wondered what else was in it. But I can remember the store we were at, which I don’t think exist any more B Dalton was the name. I know it’s not at the mall we were at, it is not there I know that. Not the damn name of the book or author.

The no is I believe our environment plays apart in what we do also. Letting Mikey explore things he was interested in, standing by him, supporting him, teaching him, and protecting him. All gave him an environment to become who he was. It is both nature and nurture that makes up who we become. So Mikey was going to be something special I would tell him and others that starting from before he was born. Yes most, if not all, mom’s talk to their babies while they are still in us.

I have more memories than any other word. I have many I have and will share, I have some I will keep just for me, some are our families, some are friends. They too will choose what and when to share or keep. I have reflects which are not good or bad just an out side look at things. Seeing all sides to what took place is sometime hard to look at. Even harder to understand.

Loss and strength two words that seem to be daily in my life now.  I hear a lot, sorry for your loss, you are so strong. I understand many think I’m doing better then they if they were in my shoes. I disagree I think some have done better with worse and others have done badly with less. Each of us has the ability to do what is necessary but having the tools that go with not all of us have. I don’t have many tools but I’m learning new ones to help.

Life I believe is a wheel is has moved in the time it has taken to write this. It has moved to someone has died, been born, laughed, cried, kissed, hit, loved, hated, hugged, shared, learned, taught, craved, explored, and many more have turned. I don’t feel I can change life it is what it is and will be. I can look at life as an adventure with all the ups and downs that an adventure holds. I can move with the wheel or against it, but the wheel has moved. So have all of us. Some have moved far in all ways, some have moved in sum way, some a little way, some are back peddling and want the wheel to go that way too, some just don’t know the wheel moved, some don’t care and some want it to go faster. There is nothing we can do with or against it has moved. Acknowledge it Accept it The world has moved on. But none of this doesn’t mean we can’t change that’s the funny thing about all creatures the ability to change. Everything in the universe is always on the change.

Mikey was so smart on so many things. Many times in his music he has asked the tough questions: What would you do if you only had an hour left, would you spend it saying it’s not enough or I asked like 20 questions and still wasn’t sure, so I turn around and found my self in heaven or Will the children be alright without a proper guide, to all my loved one and followers at least I tried or Only the lonely resent angels for flying or Sometimes gun fire burns brighter than sun shine or I just hope he got to see the sun, one more time before. Now these aren’t questions per se I’m just remembering thought provoking parts of songs.

Just things I pondered on my walk. Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking with me, thanks for sharing, thanks for supporting, thanks for loving each other, thanks for hugging, and don’t forget to smile. Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom | 23 Comments

Visit

5

1

4

2

3

3

2

4

1

5

6

6

9

7

10

8

7

9

11 8So it’s been a while since I have put anything up here. I have no excuse but something life. I have been spending only a few hours a day doing many things I want to get done. So I do a couple hours of picture scanning, job searching, house and yard work, posting and then I’m wiped. But as I have been scanning show and personal pictures I thought I would share a few with you. I tried to put them in by where I wanted to talk about them but that wouldn’t work. So as this is now the 2nd time I’m writing I think they will just come at the beginning and hopefully so will the numbers and I’ll number the writing. Here’s hoping it works. Mikey between 2 and 6 years old. Enjoy

1. Is around age 2 and he has 2 yes 2 light sabers. That’s his uncle’s hand cuz Mikey is showing him how to use it. If I remember right Mikey didn’t like how my brother was holding it and Mikey had to show him how. He got such a laugh at how my brother was doing. I’m pretty sure my brother was doing it wrong on purpose just to get Mikey laughing and to correct him. They did that a lot to each other.

2. Mikey on his big wheel turtle with my sunglasses on. This was at my grandparents house and Mikey could ride for hours around the house. He would go from the sun porch through the living room and dining room into the kitchen. Then do it all over again. He loved running or riding all over the house.

3. Just one of the many days/nights that he would sleep. You can see he’s super tired but wont give in or up to going to bed. He was/is like his mom I never liked to go to bed as a kid. It was a fight between my folks and me then moved to me and Mikey having the same trouble. The mother’s cruse you get a kid worse than you. Remember that world when you have kids at least one will be worse than you were.

4. This is one of those time when Mikey heard Jimmy (his godfather) voice after he had been in bed. When ever Jimmy came by even if Mikey was asleep he would hear him, get out of bed and coming running to him. They loved each other so much. Which is the reason why I made the rule that if you woke him up you had to get him back to bed. Sometimes that would be really hard but I stuck to it.

5. Around 3 he got one of those Alphie learning games. This was one of the first interactive computer learning games. Now of course there are lots of them but back then very few. It taught you simple math, spelling, and the fun things. He carried it around with him so it was good entertainment.

6. One of the few times Mikey ate sweets. Yes it is a powered donut, standing on the kitchen chair. The no ones prefect sign in the back ground was mine since the late 70’s and it now has a home in a friends house. I gave it to her last year when I started decreasing the things in my house.

7. This one is about age 6 when we first moved into the house I still live in. He is standing by one of his favorite chairs. A pink wicker rocker. We painted it pink. It is from my families cabin and was a baby blue but Mikey didn’t like the color. So we spray painted it pink, at the time it was his favorite color.

8. So this one is Mikey and my dad. They loved to laugh together. Sometimes they would do little things to get the other to laugh. Mikey had such a great laugh. I miss that.

9. Mikey and Barb at her house. Barb’s mom was one of my best friends for a long time, she is gone now. I sure miss her.

10 and 11 the last two pictures I didn’t number because it puts them all in a row, which is not how I wanted them set up. So the one of the left is from softball. Again Mikey and Barb, we spent lots of time in the summers with the guys playing softball. Tournaments, week nights and weekends. Mikey is standing on the Como Park fields sign. He always climbed on everything. One of the reasons we built him a loft bed.

The picture on the right is one of the first bike ramps Mikey built. He was always building something. Ramps, forts, snow forts, rooms, studios, and many other things.

So there you go a little bit of the many thousands of pictures I have, am scanning and will someday do something with. Thank you all for the amazing support for all the things we are doing, the events we have done and the ones to come, the music, the poetry books, and the art. I thank you for all the amazing tributes, tattoos, naming your next generations, and the amount of you who visit the park. I would say there hasn’t been a time when a family member has been to the bench and there are flowers, books, cig, picture at the bench. THANK YOU

Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom | 11 Comments

Ómós Poetry Book now Available

Cover

Ómós is the newest collection of poems by Micheal Larsen, Margaret Schneider, and several other friends and family.

Ómós use = a thabhairt do dhuine = to pay homage to somebody.

Cover art by Saadya Nothing:
Facebook.
Instagram.

The second to last page has been colored by friends and family (drawings will vary from what’s pictured), and fans are encouraged to do their own artwork on the final blank page, and send a picture with their location to: CrushkillRecords@gmail.com.

Purchase here.

Posted in News Articles | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Murs speaking on his favorite moments with Eyedea

Murs of Living Legends shares his favorite memories with Micheal “Eyedea” Larsen.

Posted in Uncategorized, Video | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Hodgepodge

Hi world, I have been having an interesting end to the year. I have been a bit hard on myself for not getting things done I wanted. It seems like every year since Mikey has passed I feel I didn’t do enough.  I wanted to get three music projects out and didn’t, I wanted to get most of the play finished and didn’t, I wanted to get the house rearranged and didn’t finish, and I wanted to not be sad everyday and didn’t. Not to speak of all the personal things I should get done. Oh well there is now another year to try to do all those things and more.

So this is about many things, one thing is I took a road trip this holiday season and it brought back many things about Mikey. Like the many road trips we took. We went to the Grand Canyon, up the North Shore, Disney World, Jay Cook State Park, Duluth, countless Scribble Jams, trips with Anthony (as you kids call him Tony Bell), Seattle, the Black Hills, Mt. Rushmore, and that’s just a few I remember. One of the things that we always had was music and I took mine with. Yes I even played it for most of the drive. I drove with a friend to Florida. It took us 24 hrs and I drove most of it, like I enjoy. It made me think about one of the first times Mikey went on tour and was going to be gone for over a month. We went out to buy cd’s for him to have on the drives and he bought me ones too. He was just such a great kid always thinking of others. So I listened to old music and I have to say it wasn’t to bad, a little sad but not to bad. When in Florida I did a few things that we (Mikey and I) had done before, but the good and bad or yes and no to things was yes we were here but no they have moved on. Like I took my friend to Church Street Station (one of our favorite places) and it was still there but had been bought by some company and you can’t even go in it. All that beautiful craftmens work, golden stair case, fountains, galleries, all changed. So things always move on no matter how much we wish it would just stand still for one moment.

Since Buck 65 is posting music picks I thought I would add a few I listened to on my trip.

Phil Collins     “In the air tonight”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkADj0TPrJA

Gary Wright   “Dreamweaver”   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uri-9AM6_M

James Taylor    “Up on the Roof”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMt2Vh7otQ0

Elton John   “How wonderful life is”   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMqGzC4NEpA

Moody Blues   “The story in your eyes”   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-iJ47in9YQ

Then when I got home I started to more rooms around down stairs cuz I’m going to do some more work down there. I came across more of Mikey’s things I didn’t know were around. Like this box he made it hold some kind of equipment coved in this blue shag carpet. I remember when we had to get this it’s in the garage on the walls as sound proofing stuff. He had this thought that it would be cool to put up different stripes of carpet on the walls for sound proofing instead of tearing up the walls to put something inside. We built a small stage type area in the garage. Next to my brothers race car. Which both are still in there and this spring I needed to do something about that. I spoke about the briefcases, more notebooks, Brady has been amazing and looking at them. We started scanning and tagging what there are so we can start to sort lyric from school work, or poetry, books parts, or just writings. I tagged a bit, he goes in detail and we more to another book. I have two feeling (yes and no, good or bad) on all this, one is I don’t want to know what he wrote and on the other I want to know. He was so funny some of the things would amaze me and others would just infuriate me. My family is very dark humored and it’s hard for others to understand. I even found the card from the guy who asked Mikey to come do a open mic stand up comedy. I never know what I’ll find.

seaworld

I did go to Sea World when in Florida, and when home I found this picture of Mikey and his grandma at Sea World when he was about 8yrs old. He and the horse have their heads tilted. I found some picture of Face Candy which I put on that site. I forget sometimes to post on there so they get them.

Well enjoy your day, I will get something done this year, hug everyone but ask those you don’t know if it’s ok first, catch up with friends, spend a few minutes in the fresh air be it hot or cold, and thank you for reading, loving and supporting me. Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom, News Articles | 17 Comments

Nostalgic

I have been feeling out of sorts lately when I go to shows or events, even just driving around town. Most places I look some memory of something comes through. If I drive home from my parents business I go by where Mikey had his apartment and I will look to see if a lights on or a shadow in the window. I know it wouldn’t be him but I still get that thought. Or I have to go shopping and would want to call him and say “you need food lets go shopping?” Like the shows I’ve gone to and said in a face book post how I feel funny, like I’m out of place. Don’t get me wrong the shows have been really good, I’ve had a bit of fun, saw a few people, like I said Slug even tried to get me to dance. I’ve started listening to old music a little again, even put a few old pieces up on some of the sites. Not of Mikey, just music we use to listen to or something that talks to how I feel. Although Mikey had heard any song I put up.

As we are coming up on another holiday I can’t help but to wonder if Mikey would be in town, would I cook, would I be living here, would my sister have cancer, and would Mikey still be saying “I’ll be more famous when I’m dead”. Now when Mikey would say that to my mom or me we would always say something to the effect of I don’t want to hear that, or when you win a grammy I want you to say thank you mom. Which I use to say often to him. In some way we both were kidding but in some way we were not. The yes and no part of life.

Sometimes I wonder did I do enough, I should of taught him better lessons, did I tell him how wonderful he is, when did I stop telling him “I knew before you were born that you are ment to do something great, something that will affect lots of people. I’m not sure what or how but something” when he was little, he would laugh and say how could I do that. I always said I don’t that, I just know you will. When he was older he would respond you have to say that. I use to tell him no I don’t. But really as parents we do. (again yes and no of the world) When he was an adult I remember still saying it but not as often, and he would respond by just saying I love you. I don’t know now if he was just excepting or didn’t want to hear it.

I do believe Mikey knows what we have done, the good and the bad. I do know he knows all the wonder things people have done in his name, all the things that well be here for generations to come. The water well in Africa, the bench and table in Cherokee Park, the countless paintings, drawings, home made tee shirts, tattoos, the parents and children who have been named after him, the star, and the high school senior who took his senior photo with the winter tee on. In that school alone there are over 2000 kids and if only 1/4 of them buy their year book that means another group of people 50 or more years from now will still be talking about why so and so is the only senior in a tee shirt. The same holds true for his high school who gave him a place on their wall of fame. All these and many more thing will carry on his name, his ideals, his way of making everyone of us feel connected will continue. I’m not forgetting the music that is something on it’s own, the other things are a direct result of his passing. I do think he is having a bit of a laugh at our expense “he is more famous” and more eternal.

There are still some who think I’m getting rich, some who think I’m not serving Mikey’s memory in the best way, some who think I’ve not done a good job at doing things the way Mikey would or even some who think I should do more. Sorry to tell you this but I’m not Mikey. I can do the best at what he wanted, finish things he had planned on doing, and things are being done differently, things are a bit less than what he would do himself (in some minds), but that’s cuz he’s not here (physically) any more, but I do know he is with me very step of the way. I also know he’s a bit unhappy with some of us. Not because I’m unhappy with how they have behaved but because he had higher hopes for them.

Mikey believed that all of us, has it within us to do better, help those around you, to improve the world, and love with all your heart. Now many feel they had unfinished business with him, that without him it’s hard to be that better person he knew you could be. But isn’t that the real test can you be better without him? Most of the time I can not. As I have said I have a little black heart, which has been sort of a joke most of my life. I have a couple of life long friends who know how bad I can be, but when Mikey came along I mellowed. One of my friends use to say I only had room for Mikey in my little black heart. He might of been right.

I go back and forth about a lot of things especially when people question why or how I’m doing something but as I have said a few times about time we are of two trains of thought. We either have all the time in the world or there is never enough time. I think I’m working on there is never enough. To get things done, to see things move forward, to put things in place for future plans, all before I run out of time. Which one day will happen I too wont be here.

Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom, News Articles | 22 Comments

Music in my head

3 (edit)Hi world I just wanted to say that in the past couple of months other peoples music has been popping in and out of my head. Which is a good and bad sign in my mind. It’s good that others and music is coming back to me but it’s bad cuz I don’t want others in my mind I want Mikey. When I have put up music that’s not Mikey’s some people have been mean about things that it’s not hip hop on the E&A site. But I say if you know anything about Mikey and Maxx you would know they pulled from many types of music be it rap, jazz, old rock, punk, even from classical but they were put in a category and for some they need to stay there. But how do we grow if we stay in one thought? Growth is moving from something comfortable to the unknown. Exploring things around you with a curiosity, an open mind not looking at it from the same light, position you have always looked. That is not to say you shouldn’t have faith, hope, beliefs. It’s just to say look at things from more than one side.

So this song came out when Mikey was about 2 and when he couldn’t sleep I would sing it to him. Now it’s about the loss of love which can apply to many forms but for me as we get close to the day of Mikey’s funeral it has by popping in my head so I thought I would share. I would call this a classic rock song. Hope it works. Bonnie Tyler “Total Eclispe of the Heart”

Thank you for being supportive, sharing your memories, sharing stories, showing up at events, buying things, and listening to me. Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom | 7 Comments

Almost 3 years

Well as we reach 3 years since Mikey passed, I still have lots of emotions. I want to say many things to many people but I will keep this as all post in general terms. If this applies to you, you should know it, if it doesn’t you should know that too, and if you are unsure maybe that means you should take a look at what your doing and ask would Mikey do this. I told a little about how when Mikey was asked by a friend to help his mom and host a benefit for his sister who passed. Mikey said yes and changed his tour schedule to be here and host the benefit.  So first I would like to say THANKS EVERYONE who has stuck by me and my family, those of you who wish us well, like the posts, support with words of encouragement, buy things from the web pages, those who have gotten tattoo, sent in pictures, made t-shirts,  yellow flowers, help with all the stuff, came and boxed up stuff, those of you who continue to listen and support me with all my feelings, ups and downs, those of you who still keep in touch.

As some of you may know but I go to therapy weekly again or now. I did a few times when Mikey first passed but as we both felt I was dealing ok for why I was there I stopped until this past spring. I found myself being very angry at all the things I missed, all the new 1st, dealing with everyone else’s grief, not having anyone but this web place to talk, or vent my feelings. Even on the web sometimes people don’t like the way I feel. Like Mikey said, “These songs ain’t me it’s just the way I feel at a particular moment” As the feelings are not always good or bad they are feelings.

One thing I would love for everyone to try is take just 5 sec (count one mississippi) and think of the person who you are closest to you. Be it a parent, grandparent, sibling, child, friend, spouse, the one person you count on. The one you think to call for good and bad, to tell this or that to, the one who you rely on and them on you. We all have someone, that one we turn to for all things in life good and bad. Now that person is gone. I don’t mean moved away, you fought and don’t talk, or everyone got busy with life. I mean they are gone you can no longer hear their voice but in your head or on video’s, you no longer see them but in your head or pictures, there are no hugs, no laughter, no smiles, no little teasing between the two, no jokes, no help. Just feel that for 5 second. Some of you will emphasize, some will get a deeper understanding, some will be sympathetic and again some will not.

I try hard to keep up with as many comments, emails, letters, phone calls, shows, activities of others, things to keep Mikey’s legacy going, all the positive things that have come out of this tragedy. One of the main constants has been BradyBrody. Mikey picked him to help Mikey with Crushkill and man has he stepped up and done a GREAT job. Even when he may not agree with me he is of the mind of Mikey and just says your his mom ok if that’s what you want. Maxx too has been very “you can do what you want”.

I have as we get closer to that day 3 years ago I find myself doing more things by myself than I would like or ever had to. The construction or deconstruction has been fun but very hard. I have RA and my hands still after almost a week of not holding a hammer are not able to close or make a fist yet, I will soon I hope. I can’t lift things like carpet without help and that’s hard to find. See my dad lets face it is mid to late 70’s, my brother does as much as he can but he too has a life, wife, family and health issues. He has my kidney which is why he is still alive but they don’t last long. On average transplanted kidney last 10 to 12 years, we are working on 13. So when there is a new layer of grief it is hard to work through again and alone.

At Mikey’s funeral one of his first mentors Glo said, “If this doesn’t change you nothing will” My mom really believes that and has sat back and watched as some have changed for the better, some have returned to who there are, some have claimed they can’t change, but a few she made pictures for really stepping up, in her mind and made an effort.

Be patient with me all things will get out, made, thanked, acknowledged, and the world will get better one person at a time.

Love Kathy

Posted in Friends and Family, Mikey's Mom | 15 Comments

Micheal “Eyedea” Larsen Shirt Design Contest!

Over the years there have been various shirt designs, and now we want to open up it up and let fans submit the next design!

To enter: Submit your Micheal “Eyedea” Larsen related shirt design to CrushkillRecords@gmail.com by noon CST on Wednesday, September 25th.

Avoid using: Logos and copyrighted photos (email with any questions if you’re in doubt). Stick to t-shirt designs as opposed to long sleeves, sweatshirts, etc.

How we’ll pick a winner: A few days after the deadline we’ll upload the top three shirt designs to a photo album on the Crushkill Recordings Facebook page, and let you, the fans, vote on them for five days, then the photo with the most likes will be chosen as the winning design.

Prize: The signed copy of Eyedea Freestyles CD-R pictured below, your shirt design printed by Crushkill as the next Eyedea shirt, and a prize pack of merch (including the shirt YOU designed, and some rare extras) from our web store.

FreestylesSigned

View existing shirts here, and good luck!

invert

Posted in Music, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments